i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
