I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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