she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
