No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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