thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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