Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
