There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
