I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
