If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
