i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
