i will never coherently bang her
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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