you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
