he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
