Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
