Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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