Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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