am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
