You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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