I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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