Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
