Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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