Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
