i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
