if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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