I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
