Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
