I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
