My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
