The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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