apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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