Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
