"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
