I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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