Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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