my being single is dangerous.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
