So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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