Sponge bath it is.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
