I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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