At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
