Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
