Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
