I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
