you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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