no, he came in my armpit
Is it because I queefed?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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