Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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