I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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