let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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