Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
