that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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