its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
