I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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